Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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