Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
