Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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