Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
