I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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