We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
