road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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