and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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