Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
