You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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