Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
