I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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