i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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