So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
