This is not my ceiling
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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