if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
