I need help removing her.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
