Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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