I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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