Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
