Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
