whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
