Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So much rum. So many feels.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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