he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
