i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
