Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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