Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
