He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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