The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
