It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
