Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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