Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
