is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
