I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
