you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
bring money and cleavage
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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