either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
