I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
