I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
