Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
