before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
