Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
