I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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