matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Me too!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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