Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
