I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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