He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
