around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
