My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
