i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
