I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
