It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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